Trauma Is Not Your Fault, But Healing Is Your Responsibility

What happened to you was not your fault. It was not something you asked for, it was not something you deserved. What happened to you was not fair.

You were merely collateral damage on someone else’s warpath, an innocent bystander who got wrecked out of proximity.

What Lies in Suicide’s Wake

Along with everything else, I wasn’t prepared for the stigma of becoming a widow this way.

Pro Athlete Opens Up About Mental Health Issues (Depression & Anxiety)

Gone at 15

More N.J. teens are killing themselves in a crisis nobody was prepared for…

3 Amazing Resources That Can Help With Recovery

Are you looking for resources that will help your child stay in recovery?

If your son or daughter is in the midst of their drug use, you probably spend a lot of time worrying. Like most parents, you want this problem solved. 

How Not to Feel Judged When Your Child is Struggling

Feeling judged is something that leads to more shame and stigma. When you feel judged it can add stress to your already difficult situation.

6 Things to Do Before Your Kid Comes Home from Addiction Treatment

The day has finally come for you and your family to welcome your son or daughter back from a residential treatment program (sometimes referred to as “rehab”) for addiction to drugs or alcohol. You may be cautiously optimistic for the homecoming or you may be worried about how it will go. You may not feel ready for your child to come home yet, remembering that feeling of walking on eggshells when he or she was home last, struggling with their substance use. These feelings are completely normal and you may even be experiencing them simultaneously.

The Food That Helps Battle Depression

You’re feeling depressed. What have you been eating?

Psychiatrists and therapists don’t often ask this question. But a growing body of research over the past decade shows that a healthy diet—high in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, fish and unprocessed lean red meat—can prevent depression.

Here's why the iPhone's Night Shift mode is such a big deal

In general, looking at your phone at night is a terrible idea. Smartphone screens emit bright blue light so you can see them even at the sunniest times of day. But at night, your brain gets confused by that light, as it mimics the brightness of the sun. This causes the brain to stop producing melatonin, a hormone that gives your body the "time to sleep" cues. Because of this, smartphone light can disrupt your sleep cycle, making it harder to fall and stay asleep — and potentially causing serious health problems along the way.

Quick(er) help for kids with OCD

With Short, Intense Sessions, Some Patients Finish Therapy in Just Weeks

Dr Brad Reedy Re-cap

First I want to apologize for taking so long to re-cap on the riveting presentation by Dr Brad Reedy last week. When I have a lot that I want to communicate I get writers block; pure procrastination.  I let it overwhelm me and it does! Happy to be human......


For those of you who missed Brad last week, there are several ways to “hear him;” Brad speaks 9 times a year at CUNY, or you can read The Journey of The Heroic Parent, or you can watch his podcast on your app or on SoundCloud.com https://soundcloud.com/user-928310817/8-tools-for-transforming-relationships-podcast-10216-802-pm. 

For more info go to his blog at http://Evoke Therapy.com/family-resources/blog/Brad-Reedy/8-tools-for-transforming-relationships/

So Dr Brad, I don’t know about you but his words are rocking my world. The concept of self-care for me was living a healthy lifestyle; eating right, exercise, socializing, traveling, doing all the things that I believed were making me the best “self” I could be. I thought too, that these were healthy examples for my girls and that hopefully they would choose some of them. And, worst of all, I believed that if they did it would be “best for them.” Don’t get me wrong, they are all good examples, but here’s the game changer: they are MY CHOICES. And my “healthy lifestyle” has been missing an integral component; working on my mental health. Working on my own stuff as we all  have something that bogs us down;  things that frustrate us, that make us anxious, that make us judge, that make us helicopter, that make us uptight. Addressing these on a daily basis and focusing ourselves on making us our best self is the best example for our children. As they see us care for ourselves and NOT push who we are on them, they will feel free to be their best self. As we work to be our best self emotionally and physically, so will they. They may not have a perfectly paved path on their way to being their best self, but that’s the point. Bumps, roadblocks, failures, disappointments, mistakes will meet them along the way but because they know you love them for “other” they will conquer the detours. And each “conquer” will strengthen their belief in their self. 

* Brads 8 Tools for Transforming Relationships will be on the website along with his podcast and blog links. *

An incredible example of how detaching with love works, is Kristy and son Tyler. Last Fall, Kristy and her husband had to tell their son he needed to move out. He left and went to Chicago. They had no idea who he was living with or what he was doing to sustain himself. Talk about stress. But they stayed strong and tough. Last Tuesday at the Dr Brad presentation, Kristy gave Katie and I the best gift we could have ever imagined; the knowledge that Tyler had was in a good place! In fact, the actual gift from Kristy was a candle from the company that Tyler began with some friends. They recycle beer bottles by using the bottom half to fill with clean, soy candles. Amazing!!! It sits in my kitchen as a constant reminder of how “detach with love” works. Here is Tyler’s website:
brown baby goat.bigcartel.com. 

I will end with this.....the happiness I have felt in the last two weeks as I have witnessed the magic of Warrior Moms through the email chains of support. No better gift to me than to SEE how each moms support has the power to heal another. Thank you!

Dearest Warrior Moms,

I often wonder that if we didn’t have stories to tell, would we be so determined to make a difference? Would we be where we are today?

Oddly this bothers me because of course I wish that we and our children NEVER had to endure the pain that we did. To turn back the clock; crap we would all like to have a second chance at doing it differently. I think everyone will agree that if you had a choice, the choice would be not to have had the agony, the pain, the heartache, the anger, the sadness, the tears, the frustration, the journey. But what if we didn’t. Would we be as strong, as empathetic, as compassionate, as caring, as determined to make change happen, as courageous, as understanding of others pain, as resilient, as transparent? Basically, would we care as much? 

I’d like to believe that had my Journey not been what it was, I would still be where I am today. But that’s not reality as most advocates and advocacy begin because of personal painful experiences. Would Michael Phelps be an advocate had he not suffered from anxiety and depression? Would Michael J Fox be an advocate had he not had Parkinson’s at an extremely early age? Honestly i don’t think so. 

So, as much as i ponder “what if,” I realize now what we WOULD’NT HAVE had we not had our journey’s.... EACH OTHER. I am recognizing the positive in the negative; the Warrior in all of us. We are all stronger, tougher, more resilient, more compassionate, more empathetic, more determined to make change happen. All because we walked down a path that lead us in the same direction, and ultimately to one another. Sure, our lives may be different had we not had our experiences, but I can honestly say I wouldn’t want mine to be any different than it is right now because you are all in it. ️

Warrior Moms: Wilderness Programs

Dear Warrior Moms,

Our son, G, took his sophomore year off college to take a gap year. Best thing he ever did!

He just did not seem happy or engaged with school or friends. We were worried!

We worked with Holly Bull at Interim Programs in Princeton, NJ (who is amazing...).

G spent the fall (91 days) participating in a NOLS program out west. NOLS is The National Outdoor Leadership School headquartered in Lander, Wyoming.  It was started over 50 years ago and is truly based on teaching and honing leadership skills, which is something that really CAN BE taught.  No matter what, this program develops self-esteem and self-confidence.

G did four different sections with different head leaders over the 91 days. He did hiking, canyoneering, climbing and camping in below 30 degrees weather. He traveled in a group of about 14 kids his age, both male and female. In each section, his responsibilities would change as each member was expected to take leadership roles at different times.

If you go to the NOLS website, you will see that there are many different programs and options for all ages of people.

He met amazing people and learned a lot about himself and others!

He is about to finish his junior year at The University of Vermont and seems very happy.

Record Numbers of College Students Are Seeking Treatment for Depression and Anxiety — But Schools Can't Keep Up

‘I needed something the university wasn’t offering’

Florida’s Billion-Dollar Drug Treatment Industry Is Plagued by Overdoses, Fraud

Palm Beach County can feel like paradise. The ocean laps on soft-sand beaches and the wind rustles through tall palms. Maseratis cruise the roads and mansions rise behind gilded gates. On the wealthiest stretch of waterfront sits Mar-a-Lago, President Trump's winter White House. In its backyard is one of the rehab capitals of America.

The Food That Helps Battle Depression

Psychiatrists and therapists don’t often ask this question. But a growing body of research over the past decade shows that a healthy diet—high in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, fish and unprocessed lean red meat—can prevent depression.

In Praise of A.D.H.D.

Ten years ago, when my son Nicolai was 11, his doctor wanted to put him on medication for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. “It would make him less wild,” I explained to my mother, who was then 85. “It would slow him down a bit.”

My mother grumbled. “Look around you,” she said in Yiddish. “Look how fast the world is changing. He doesn’t need to slow down. You need to speed up.”

How to Spot Teenage Depression

Is your child’s moodiness a sign of typical teenage angst—or the beginning of a depression that needs professional attention?

These Antidepressants Are Most Effective, Study Says

Millions of people take antidepressants for depression. But there’s long been debate over just how effective the medications actually are. On Wednesday, a large new study provides evidence that antidepressants are more effective than placebo at treating acute depression in adults.

A Mother's Testimony

Also, I just wanted to thank you for the content of your emails, both this one and the one just before Christmas. What you are talking about in both is incredibly helpful to me as I trudge on through this often lonely process known as parenting kids "with issues." It's helpful because it 1) definitely reminds me that I am not alone on this journey and 2) stops me from just going on automatic out of exhaustion and lack of imagination.

Among the things you mentioned that resonated with me particularly (besides, frankly ALL OF WHAT YOU SAID), are the issues of telling our kids that we, too, struggled, made mistakes, were scared, tried things that worked out and other things that didn't. And the fact that you and Katie created this opportunity for moms like us to be listened to. It's different, it seems to me, than the kind of listening that happens in a therapist or psychiatrist's office. It is so healing in the atmosphere you have created because it's not a transactional kind of listening--the way it would be, frankly, when there's a co-pay involved, if you catch my drift. The way you listened to your partner, I suspect he felt that he could go on for as long as he needed to without you staying that it was time to wrap it up... or that it was now your turn. This has become incredibly rare in our society. I am incredibly lucky to have this kind of listening skill in my own family with my sisters. But the fact that the Warrior Moms has created and sustained this is very, very special.

So thank you again. 

All of you are the gift that keeps giving and it is very much appreciated.