First I want to apologize for taking so long to re-cap on the riveting presentation by Dr Brad Reedy last week. When I have a lot that I want to communicate I get writers block; pure procrastination. I let it overwhelm me and it does! Happy to be human......
For those of you who missed Brad last week, there are several ways to “hear him;” Brad speaks 9 times a year at CUNY, or you can read The Journey of The Heroic Parent, or you can watch his podcast on your app or on SoundCloud.com https://soundcloud.com/user-928310817/8-tools-for-transforming-relationships-podcast-10216-802-pm.
For more info go to his blog at http://Evoke Therapy.com/family-resources/blog/Brad-Reedy/8-tools-for-transforming-relationships/
So Dr Brad, I don’t know about you but his words are rocking my world. The concept of self-care for me was living a healthy lifestyle; eating right, exercise, socializing, traveling, doing all the things that I believed were making me the best “self” I could be. I thought too, that these were healthy examples for my girls and that hopefully they would choose some of them. And, worst of all, I believed that if they did it would be “best for them.” Don’t get me wrong, they are all good examples, but here’s the game changer: they are MY CHOICES. And my “healthy lifestyle” has been missing an integral component; working on my mental health. Working on my own stuff as we all have something that bogs us down; things that frustrate us, that make us anxious, that make us judge, that make us helicopter, that make us uptight. Addressing these on a daily basis and focusing ourselves on making us our best self is the best example for our children. As they see us care for ourselves and NOT push who we are on them, they will feel free to be their best self. As we work to be our best self emotionally and physically, so will they. They may not have a perfectly paved path on their way to being their best self, but that’s the point. Bumps, roadblocks, failures, disappointments, mistakes will meet them along the way but because they know you love them for “other” they will conquer the detours. And each “conquer” will strengthen their belief in their self.
* Brads 8 Tools for Transforming Relationships will be on the website along with his podcast and blog links. *
An incredible example of how detaching with love works, is Kristy and son Tyler. Last Fall, Kristy and her husband had to tell their son he needed to move out. He left and went to Chicago. They had no idea who he was living with or what he was doing to sustain himself. Talk about stress. But they stayed strong and tough. Last Tuesday at the Dr Brad presentation, Kristy gave Katie and I the best gift we could have ever imagined; the knowledge that Tyler had was in a good place! In fact, the actual gift from Kristy was a candle from the company that Tyler began with some friends. They recycle beer bottles by using the bottom half to fill with clean, soy candles. Amazing!!! It sits in my kitchen as a constant reminder of how “detach with love” works. Here is Tyler’s website:
brown baby goat.bigcartel.com.
I will end with this.....the happiness I have felt in the last two weeks as I have witnessed the magic of Warrior Moms through the email chains of support. No better gift to me than to SEE how each moms support has the power to heal another. Thank you!