Hoping everyone is fairing well during the freezing temps and dark days of Jan and now Feb. Lately (for some reason) I’ve been talking to my girls about the power of mindfulness; how it can take you from a “dark” moment to a “light” one, especially during the dismal days of winter. Mindfulness is really a simple concept, but in today’s world where technology controls our every move and thought, mindfulness takes effort. I was with my 27 year old nephew last night who commented about how fast life is passing him by; this from someone who spent almost 2 years in rehab and sober living. Not once at dinner did he take out his phone, not once did he complain, nor did he make the conversation about himself. He was in the moment, listening to his cousins, asking questions and only spoke about himself when asked. When I brought up “mindfulness,” he quickly responded: “I work on being more mindful every day Aunt De as even if the days fly by, at least I appreciated them enough to remember them always.” Sheer wisdom.
So thinking about the power of mindfulness which I know WE all get, I've also been thinking about the power of listening, which I’m beginning to recognize IS mindfulness. Last week a group of Warrior Moms went to CUNY to hear Dr Brad Reedy speak, Evoke Founder and author of The Journey of the Heroic Parent. The room was filled with parents of children who have been to Evoke and parents who “follow” Brad. (On a side note, he speaks almost monthly in NY and anyone is invited to attend. Also, thrilled to report that he will be our first speaker at our first evening meeting! The date is TBD but we are shooting for April.) Before he began to speak he had each of us pair ourselves with a stranger and take 5 minutes to tell our story. I had my partner Steve go first; Mind you, we never met before. Steve began to talk about his son and I didn’t have the heart to stop him; the pain in his eyes told me he just needed to “share.” His journey with his son had been tearing him apart and it was so real and evident to me even in the short 10 minutes. He spoke to me with trust, as if we knew each other and in a strange way, I felt like we did.
As parents of children that struggle with mental health, we know one another before we meet because we have lived each other’s pain to some capacity. Through our ups and downs and pain and grief we have emerged with more compassion, more empathy and an awareness to “listen.” I could have listened to Steve all night simply because I knew that his sharing and my “listening” was healing, for both of us. Imagine that, we all possess this God given power; all we have to do is use it. It made me recognize the power of the circle of support that Warrior Moms is all about. Each meeting gives every mom the moment to be heard; something that in today’s world is a rare and golden opportunity. Katie and I began the group after “listening” to each other and recognizing that power. When we offer a mom who has been torn apart by the struggles of her child the opportunity to share and be heard, we are doing Gods work by simply listening. When we “detach with love” (thank u Meredith for sharing these words!) and simply listen to our children, we are helping them help themselves. When we listen to ourselves and follow our thoughts, we are empowering and healing our souls.
Who would have thought that LISTENING could be so transformative......